Task 5 Education (2)
Please write an essay consisting of a minimum of 250 words.
" Many schools have started incorporating financial literacy courses into their curriculum. Do you think teaching financial skills in schools is important? Why or why not? Provide examples and evidence to support your viewpoint."
Essay Grade: 7.5
ReplyDeleteOverall, your essay is well-structured and provides a clear viewpoint on the topic. You have presented your arguments coherently and supported them with examples and evidence. However, there are a few areas where you can further improve.
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are generally well-organized and flow logically. You have used transitional words and phrases to connect your sentences and paragraphs. However, some sentences could be better linked to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Vocabulary: 7.5
Your vocabulary is varied, and you have used some advanced words and phrases appropriately. However, there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range and precision. Try to incorporate more specific and precise vocabulary related to the topic of finance. Additionally, make sure to use collocations accurately to enhance your lexical resource.
Grammar: 7.5
Your grammar is generally accurate, and you have used a range of sentence structures effectively. However, there are a few instances of errors and awkward phrasing. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to further enhance your grammatical accuracy.
Task Response: 8
You have addressed the prompt clearly by stating your opinion on the importance of teaching financial skills in schools. Your arguments are supported with examples and evidence. However, consider providing a counterargument and refutation to strengthen the overall response to the prompt.
Examples and Evidence: 7
You have provided examples to support your viewpoint, such as the lack of financial skills in students in Thailand and the need for understanding the economic state. However, your examples could be more specific and detailed. Provide more concrete examples or statistics to make your argument more persuasive.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, and you have presented a clear viewpoint supported by examples and evidence. With some improvements in coherence, vocabulary, grammar, and providing more specific examples, your essay can reach a higher score.
" Many schools have started incorporating financial literacy courses into their curriculum. Do you think teaching financial skills in schools is important? Why or why not? Provide examples and evidence to support your viewpoint."
ReplyDeleteIn the current era, schools and institutions are beginning to introduce financial-related subjects into their regular curriculums. On account to the swift revolutionization of the world, I utterly endorse this alteration of the conventional educational system due to the various opportunities that learners can benefit from.
On the one hand, certain groups’ opinions stand against this unexpected modification. In other words, these particular individuals can happen to perceive this change as unnecessary for the present stage of middle school and highschool students. For instance, parents might not see the hidden intentions of this supplementary feature, what their children will attain from having a basic background in the financial field, unless they want to specialize in this academic category in the future. Moreover, guardians would rather prefer for their youngsters to focus more on fundamental subjects such as mathematics or develop a tongue for another foreign language, instead of prioritizing time with something that can’t directly have an impact on them.
On the one hand, some individuals have conquered the new trend of nurturing the customary curricula with real-life money management expertise, not to mention banking skills. The reason behind this mutual perspective is that this spontaneous transformation can increase the versatility of future adults, boosting them in the long run. For example, a number of occupations, as well as careers will be related to virtual or online banking, Thus, it is better for learners to achieve a general understanding of what the future globe has to offer.
In a nutshell, various academies have started to recognize the importance of enriching the new generation with valuable monetary and economic knowledge in addition to including it into the standard syllabus. Despite some parties not envisioning a discernible value, others wholeheartedly encourage this add-on to build a robust community of 20th-century world leaders.
Grammar correction:
DeleteIn the current era, schools and institutions are beginning to introduce financial-related subjects into their regular curriculums due to the swift revolutionization of the world. I utterly endorse this alteration of the conventional educational system because of the various opportunities that learners can benefit from.
On the one hand, certain groups' opinions stand against this unexpected modification. In other words, these particular individuals may perceive this change as unnecessary for middle school and high school students at the present stage. For instance, parents might not see the hidden intentions of this supplementary feature and what their children will gain from having a basic background in the financial field, unless they want to specialize in this academic category in the future. Moreover, guardians would prefer their youngsters to focus more on fundamental subjects such as mathematics or develop proficiency in another foreign language, instead of prioritizing something that may not directly impact them.
On the other hand, some individuals have embraced the new trend of nurturing the customary curricula with real-life money management expertise, including banking skills. The reason behind this perspective is that this spontaneous transformation can increase the versatility of future adults, ultimately benefiting them in the long run. For example, a number of occupations and careers will be related to virtual or online banking. Thus, it is better for learners to achieve a general understanding of what the future globe has to offer.
In a nutshell, various academies have started to recognize the importance of enriching the new generation with valuable monetary and economic knowledge and have included it in the standard syllabus. Despite some parties not envisioning a discernible value, others wholeheartedly encourage this addition to build a robust community of 21st-century world leaders.
Task Response (Task Achievement):
DeleteYour essay addresses the topic of teaching financial skills in schools and provides arguments for both sides. However, your viewpoint is not clearly stated, and the essay lacks a strong introduction and conclusion. Additionally, the development of ideas could be improved.
Band Score: 6
Coherence and Cohesion:
Your essay has some coherence and cohesion, but the paragraph structure could be clearer. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and the ideas should be logically organized. The lack of a strong introduction and conclusion also affects the overall cohesion.
Band Score: 6
Lexical Resource:
Your vocabulary range is fairly good, and you use some appropriate vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and informal language, which can impact the score. Try to use more formal and precise language to enhance your lexical resource.
Band Score: 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, and the sentences are generally understandable. However, there are some errors in grammar, punctuation, and word usage throughout the essay. Proofreading and careful editing would help improve grammatical accuracy.
Band Score: 6
Overall, considering the assessments for each criterion, I would assign an IELTS Band Score of 6 for this essay.
For this question, which one do you think?
DeleteThe 3 Types of IELTS Opinion Essays
1. Discuss ONE opinion
Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. (opinion) Therefore, working hours should be reduced.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With these essays you are normally given ONE opinion, and then asked specifically if you agree or disagree with it, or to what extent you agree or disagree. You must make it clear whether you agree, disagree or partly agree and give your reasons why.
2. Discuss TWO OPPOSING opinions
(opinion one) A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, (opposing opinion) while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
With these essays you have TWO opinions that oppose each other. You have to discuss BOTH of them and also give your opinion. Your essay will get a lower mark for 'task response' if you don’t discuss both of the opinions or you don’t make your opinion clear.
3. Advantages and Disadvantages
The number of old people around the world is increasing dramatically.
Could this have more positive or negative effects on society? or…
Do the advantages of the trend outweigh the disadvantages? or…
Is this a positive development?
In these questions you are given a fact or facts and then you have to look at the positive and negative sides of this. They are all asking for your opinion so you must state this. In the first two you will need to look at both sides as the question is clearly implying there are both positive and negative impacts.
Don't mix this up with a basic advantage and disadvantage essay like this:
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
Although your organization, ideas and body paragraphs may be similar, this one is not asking for your opinion so you don't need to give it. It is simply asking you to present both sides of the issue.